Secrets That Lie Within - Part 10
by Sona
Summary: Sydney opens up to Scott


Part Ten

"And what am I supposed to do while you do stupid homework?" Ryan complained. He shut Sydney's book.

"Ryan, don't you think I want to do something other than study? Look, I may not like it much here, but I don't want to do poorly on any of my tests. You know how I am." Sydney said.

"None of this stuff counts for anything," Ryan said. "You'll be back home before the real school year starts."

"I hope so, too, but for now I have to abide by the rules," Sydney said. "Maybe if Peter sees that we stick to them while you'll here, he'll let you come back again."

"So what am I supposed to do?" Ryan asked sighing.

"If you're so bored, why don't you just go back home?" Peter muttered as he walked by.

Ryan stood up from his chair. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"Sydney has work to do and just because you're here, it doesn't mean that she can slack off," Peter said.

"Why do you have such an attitude?" Ryan asked annoyed.

"Why do _I_ have such an attitude? Young man, you're the one with the attitude. You think you can just show up here and demand that all the rules be broken for you? Well, I don't think so." Peter said angrily.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Sophie asked walking into the room.

"This guy that you wanted to stay here is trying to get Sydney to blow off her work," Peter said.

"Okay, now you're twisting things around. That was not what we were arguing about." Ryan said.

Sydney abruptly pushed her chair back and stood up. She glared at both Ryan and Peter before walking out of the room.

"Now look what you've done," Ryan said to Peter.

"What _I_ have done? This all came about because _you're_ here." Peter said.

"For someone who is supposed to help the kids here, you sure are blind when it comes to people. Don't you see that Sydney needs me? Don't you see that she's happy now that I'm here? I have been the only one who has been by her side through everything. Just because she's here, it does not mean that you own her. You've done _nothing_ to help her." Ryan yelled.

"Ryan, you need to calm down," Sophie said. "Peter wants to help Sydney. He wants to find out about her problems."

"Then let her be with me. We make each other happy." Ryan said. He walked out to look for Sydney.

"Maybe I was wrong to convince you to let Ryan say," Sophie said to Peter.

Peter rubbed his forehead. "I don't know, Sophie. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am handling Sydney the wrong way." he said.

"I guess we'll see how she is the rest of the time he's here," Sophie said. "You never know – maybe he'll convince her to open up to us."

***

"Hey, Juliette," Scott said walking into the dining room. 

Since it was in between lunch and dinner, Juliette was the only one in the dining room. At the moment, she was staring at the full plate in front of her in disgust. "What are you doing here?" she asked glumly.

Scott sat down at the table. "So why aren't you eating?" he asked her.

"Why do you care?" Juliette asked irritably.

"Because I'm your friend," Scott said.

"I can't eat. My mother called and said she's coming to visit next weekend. I have to look good for her." Juliette said.

"Screw what she thinks. Juliette, you look great. You are _not_ fat." Scott said.

"You don't know how she can get, Scott. I don't want to have to deal with that." Juliette said putting her napkin over the food so she would not have to look at it.

"If you ask me, you should just stand up to her," Scott said.

"Thank for the advice, but I'll deal with this on my own way," Juliette said. "Now what's the real reason you came in to talk to me? I know it wasn't to get me to eat."

"I wanted to talk about Sydney," Scott admitted.

"What about her?" Juliette asked.

"Juliette, I know you're keeping some secret that has to do with her. It's so obvious that she has opened up to you. I need you to tell me what that secret is." Scott said.

"Why don't you just mind your own business, Scott? Just because she's your sister, it doesn't mean that you have the right to know her personal things." Juliette said.

"You wouldn't understand because you're an only child," Scott said. "I know that Sydney and I didn't grow up together and we didn't become close until we were a little older, but I still worry about her. She's my sister and I love her."

"Wow. I've never seen this side of you before. It must be that over-protective brother thing." Juliette said.

"So, will you tell me?" Scott asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry, Scott, but I can't do that to Sydney. She hardly trusts anyone up here. Do you really want her to lose faith in me as well?" Juliette asked.

"No," Scott said, "but do you really expect me to stop trying to find out?"

"You're a good brother, Scott," Juliette said smiling at him. 

***

"Are you all right?" Ryan asked Sydney as he followed her out of the dining room after dinner.

"Not really," Sydney said putting her hand on her stomach. "I feel so full, Ryan. I can't keep this food in me."

"Come on," Ryan said taking her hand and leading her outside. 

"Where are we going?" Sydney asked looking back into the building. What she really wanted to do was go to the bathroom and make herself throw up.

Ryan led her into the supply shed, looking around to make sure no one was watching them. "Come here," he said sitting down on the ground and pulling Sydney down with him.

Sydney leaned back against him. She shut her eyes as Ryan lifted up her shirt a little. She instantly felt better as his hand rubbed her stomach. "You always make me feel so much better," she said opening her eyes and tilting her head back so she could look up at him. This was something that Ryan always did whenever she felt too full. It was as if his rubbing made all the bad feelings go away.

"I'll keep rubbing until you don't feel full any longer," Ryan said planting a small kiss on her forehead. 

Sydney settled into a comfortable position and then said, "Juliette told me that Scott has been pressuring her to tell him what she knows about me."

"Maybe you should," Ryan said.

"I was thinking the same thing," Sydney said.

Ryan was surprised. "You mean you want to tell him everything?" he asked.

"No, not everything," Sydney said, "but I think I can tell him about my ED. It'll be good to tell him, I think."

"When do you want to do it?" Ryan asked.

Sydney sat up and turned around to face him. "I'd like to tell him tonight so I don't lose my nerve," she said.

"Why would you lose your nerve, Sydney? Do you think he's going to turn you away because of it? It's not like he hasn't messed up in his life. Like they keep saying – everyone here has problems." Ryan said.

"But people here aren't so nice about these problems. They're always putting each other down. I know it's because they've all had hard lives, but I'm not used to that." Sydney said.

"Do you want me to be with you when you tell him?" Ryan asked.

"No, I think he would like it better if I tell him myself," Sydney said. "I just don't know where to tell him that can be private. I don't want everyone to watch us." 

"Why don't you just tell him in here?" Ryan suggested. "You can wait right here and I'll go get him."

"That would be great," Sydney said giving him a small smile. They both stood up.

"Are you sure your stomach is okay? I don't want you to get upset again and then make yourself throw up." Ryan said.

"I'm fine now," Sydney said.

"I'll go find Scott and send him over here," Ryan said.

Sydney ran her fingers through her hair and stared up at the ceiling once he left. _I can do this. I can tell Scott._

***

"Scott, are you busy?" Ryan asked just as Scott was about to start a football game with Auggie, David, and Ezra.

"Doesn't it look like it?" Scott asked.

"Look, Sydney needs to talk to you. It's important." Ryan said quietly.

"Is she okay?" Scott asked.

"She just needs to talk to you about something," Ryan said. "I left her in the supply shed."

"Hey, Scott! Where do you think you're going?" David asked as Scott dropped the football and started to walk away.

"Ryan will take my place!" Scott yelled not even looking back. He wondered what was wrong with Sydney. When he walked into the shed, he sat her sitting on a wooden crate with her head in her hands.

Sydney looked up when she heard a noise. "Hi," she said moving over so that he could sit down next to her on the crate.

"So what's going on? Ryan told me you had to talk to me. He said it was important." Scott said sitting down on the crate.

Sydney turned slightly so that she could face him. "I know that you've been worried about me and that you've been trying to get Juliette to tell you what she knows," she said.

"Syd, don't be mad. I just want to know why you're here." Scott said.

"I'm not mad. I understand that you need to know." Sydney said. "So I've decided it's time I tell you."

"I'm listening," Scott said.

"When my mother married Franco, it was hard for me to adjust. She changed. I suddenly had a new father. Things were just really messed up." Sydney said. "I didn't know how to deal with it." _And deal with the other things, toom but you can't know about that._

"That's totally understandable," Scott said. "After what happened with Elaine, I turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with how I felt."

"Right. People turn to other things to try and cover up their pain." Sydney said. "Well, I turned to something too. I started…I got…I…." Sydney could not get the words out. She had suddenly lost her nerve. _What if he doesn't understand? What if he thinks I'm gross?_

"Sydney, you can tell me. I'm not in a position to judge you." Scott said.

"This is just so hard. I haven't told many people – just Ryan and a few close friends. I don't know how to say it." Sydney said.

"Just come right out with it," Scott said. "Was it drugs? Did you do that too?"

Sydney shook her head. "No, it's not that. It's an addiction, though. God, I am so addicted to it. I hate it so much." she said.

"What is it?" Scott asked starting to get impatient.

"I have an eating problem," Sydney finally blurted out.

Scott looked at her confusion. "What do you mean 'an eating problem'? Are you talking about bulimia, like what Jules has?" he asked.

"I don't exactly have bulimia. I have a combination of bulimia and anorexia. I try not to eat but when I do, I sometimes make myself throw up. It's confusing, I know. I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing." Sydney said.

"And that's why you and Juliette bonded. She knows what you're going through." Scott realized.

"She figured it out right after I got here. She's been a great friend." Sydney said.

"How long have you had it?" Scott asked.

"Too long," Sydney said staring down at her hands. "It's been three years now. Sometimes I think I've got it beat, but then I relapse back into it. It just won't go away."

"Sydney, why would you do that to yourself? I've never understood why Jules would do something so disgusting but she had issues with her mom, I guess. But you? I thought you would've known better. I remember one time we were watching some tv movie about a bulimic girl and you kept saying how gross it was." Scott said.

Tears stung Sydney's eyes. This was exactly what she had feared – Scott was grossed out by her. "I know I used to think that, but it just happened. Once I started, I couldn't stop. I lost control of it. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you." she said a few tears falling down her face.

"Hey, how could you disappoint me? You didn't do anything to me." Scott said not sure of what to say or do.

"But I'm not the person you thought I was. You think I'm gross." Sydney said.

"I didn't mean to imply that," Scott said. "It's just hard for me to believe that you could have an eating disorder."

"It's hard for me to believe, too. But, Scott, it was the only way I could deal with my problems. It was the only thing that made me feel like I was in control of my crazy life." Sydney said.

"And that's why Erica sent you here?" Scott asked.

"She just found out," Sydney answered.

"And Ryan has known all along?"

"He has been so great though it all. Most guys would have dumped a girl like me, but he didn't. I know it kills him when I don't eat or when I make myself throw up, but he still stands by me." Sydney said.

"What can I do?" Scott asked.

"You can't tell anyone," Sydney said. "Promise me you won't."

"Sydney, they can help you here. I've heard that Jules has gotten so much better since being here." Scott said.

"If I tell them, they'll watch what I eat. I'd rather not eat than eat and throw it up later." Sydney said.

"You should eat _and _keep it in you," Scott said.

"I try to, but it's hard," Sydney said.

"Look, I won't tell anyone – not even Shelby- unless you tell me it's okay to, but I really think you should tell Peter and Sophie. It might help you." Scott said.

"I'll think about it," Sydney said. "And thank you for being so understanding. I thought you would hate me."

"Sydney, come on. Look at what I have done to hide my pain. I'm not going to hate you for trying to deal with your own pain." Scott said.

Sydney hugged him. "Thanks for being such a great brother," she said.


End file.
